"Hi there! I'm Fun Time Feather. I'll be doing the face paint at your party. Hi-five! Your friend said they were gonna get... a better face painter for their birthday party? I think we need to show your friend what I can do..."
Gather 'round, and hear my story
About this girl that I adore
See, her name is Heather & she's the best
She knows how to put me to rest
With the tingles & magical sounds
With the binaural microphone that goes around
My head like a psychedelic drug
Givin' my brain one giant hug
Her expertise is ASMR
And she's the best at what she does, by far
A myriad of styles and videos
In the words of Billy Corgan: she knows
Got the roleplays, sound snacks, messing with marbles
With a laugh I dare say is adorable
And whenever I need to get my grip together
I know I can depend on the fun time feather
She's the candy queen with the killer scheme
To remove the king to reign supreme
She's the one you go to t'get your head checked
And you'd go again in a heartbet, I bet
She can paint your faice or be Bob Ross
She can be your doctor or be your boss
She can help you design your basement
Any tile you want, she can place it
She can tell you stories to help you sleep
Or she can eat some candy treats
She can be whatever character you desire
(She can even be a queen vampire!)
And every week, it's a new adventure
Guaranteed to be a friendly pleasure
So, when you feel a bit under the weather,
You know you can say "HEY!" to the fun time feather
If you haven't guessed by now, I'm a fan of her stuff
I can depend on her when the going gets tough
And she'll never know my name, and it's a shame
But I know that she cares, so how can I complain?
She gives so much to me with little concern,
So here's a little something in return
And I don't care if this song is dumb
I even used her voice at the beginning of this album
So who's the one who can make you feel better?
That's right, motherfucker; it's the fun time feather!
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